5 West Nursing

I am your patient today. I’m 24 years old and lucky to be under your care. You see, I wouldn’t have ended up in the ICU if the cops we’re chasing me. I tried to rob a day care center, in the middle of the day, while the kids were still there. I threatened the owner’s life in the process, however, he managed to call the cops on me… so I ran.

On my way out I realized that my stash of cocaine would eventually be found so I had it for lunch. I’m not sure how much of it I ate, it would have probably lasted me for a week but I had no choice… been in jail too many times before because of this. Man what a trip… so high I passed out on my way to the police station. Ironically, it took 6 officers to subdue me during the chase… now I’m in a coma. I’m intubated, sedated, non-responsive and flaccid… talk about dead weight. Thanks for the bath by the way…I appreciate you breaking your back to give me quality care.

I don’t know how long I’ll be here. If I’m lucky and didn’t stroke out yet, I’ll probably be dismissed in a few days. Even so, I’m glad you’re my nurse because I know you’ll treat me well. You’ll turn me every 2 hours to keep me from developing pressure sores. You’ll monitor my vitals every hour. You’ll clean me up when I poop. You’ll give me my meds on time. You’ll do everything for me that I can’t do for myself to get me well soon so I can be in court and plead “not guilty”. Then after a few months of jail time, I’ll be out again, and when I’m out, I can go back doing what I do best… cocaine!

Thank you ICU nurse… I know I’ll be out of here soon. You’ll help me get my strength back. We might meet someday, but you may not recognize me. I hope not… it might be your house that I break into next. Thank you again!

Gratefully,

Your patient